Moving a parent in: the household costs nobody budgets

When families decide a parent should move in, they usually compare it with the cost of a facility, and moving in wins on paper. Often it does win. But the comparison leaves out a set of household costs that appear slowly, over the first year, and are easy to miss until the credit card bill arrives.

I sorted them into three groups.

Group one: one-time costs

These come before or just after the move.

Item	Notes
Grab bars, railings, raised toilet seat, shower chair	Often the cheapest, highest-value changes
Better lighting on stairs and hallways	Night lights and switches at both ends of stairs
Removing trip hazards	Rugs, cords, thresholds
A bedroom on the main floor	Converting a den or dining room, perhaps a door widened
Walk-in shower or tub cut-out	The largest single item for many families; get two quotes
Ramp or stair lift	Only if stairs become impossible
Moving costs	Movers, storage for furniture that won't fit
Medical alert device	Setup fee plus a monthly charge (see below)

Your Area Agency on Aging may know of home modification programs or grants for older homeowners and people with disabilities. Call the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116 to find yours. If a doctor recommends a specific modification for a medical reason, part of the cost may count as a medical expense for tax purposes; IRS Publication 502 explains how.

Group two: monthly costs

These are the ones that quietly add up.

• Utilities. Someone home all day uses more heating, cooling, electricity and water. Many older people also prefer a warmer house.
• Food. Another adult's groceries, plus special diets if there are any.
• Phone and internet. A phone line or plan for your parent, perhaps a tablet for video calls.
• Medicine and supplies. Copays, over-the-counter items, incontinence supplies, which can be a surprising monthly line.
• Transportation. Driving to appointments, or rides you pay for.
• Help. Even with family at home, many households pay for some aide hours or adult day. See Adult day programs vs in-home aides: the hourly math.
• Respite. Time off for the main caregiver: a paid aide for a day, or a short stay somewhere. Budget it now. Caregivers who never get a break are more likely to burn out, and then the plan fails.
• Medical alert monitoring. A monthly subscription.

Group three: the easy-to-miss

• Homeowners or renters insurance. Tell your insurer a new person lives in the home. Ask how their belongings and liability are covered. If your parent has their own renters or homeowners policy from their old home, decide what to cancel and when.
• Your parent's old home. Until it is sold or the lease ends, it still has taxes, insurance, utilities and maintenance. Two households for six months is a common, expensive overlap.
• Your own work. Reduced hours, unpaid leave or a turned-down promotion are real costs even though no bill arrives. The federal Family and Medical Leave Act provides job-protected unpaid leave for eligible employees caring for a parent with a serious health condition; ask your employer whether you qualify.
• Car insurance. If your parent will drive your car, or you will drive theirs, check with the insurer.

The money coming in

Your parent probably has income: Social Security, a pension, savings. Agree on what they will contribute each month before the move, and write it down. It protects everyone, including your relationship with your brothers and sisters. A simple page is enough:

Monthly contribution	Amount	From
Rent or share of housing costs		Parent
Share of food and utilities		Parent
Care hours		Parent / siblings
Respite		Siblings

If your parent may someday need Medicaid, be careful with how money moves. Payments to family for care are best made under a written care agreement, because Medicaid reviews transfers in the 60 months before an application. An elder law attorney can draw one up.

Tax rules that may help

These depend on your situation, so read the IRS publication for the current year:

• Claiming your parent as a dependent. If you provide more than half their support and their income is below the year's limit for a qualifying relative, you may be able to claim them. IRS Publication 501 has the tests.
• Head of household filing status. A single taxpayer who supports a qualifying parent may be able to file as head of household.
• Medical expenses. Medical costs you pay for a dependent can count toward the deduction for expenses above 7.5% of adjusted gross income, if you itemize. Publication 502.
• Dependent care credit. If you pay for care so you can work. Publication 503.

The honest summary

Moving a parent in is often the right decision, financially and otherwise. Just budget it as a household of three adults, not two, and set aside money for the breaks you will need.